About this blog
A girl has to kiss a lot of frogs… and I certainly had to!
Welcome to my world… of Jewish dating. Unfortunately, a subject I know too much about! So much so, that the amount of experience I have, means that I’m an authority on the subject! Rather ironic given that I haven’t found my prince (although thought I had a few times).
They say a girl has to kiss a thousand frogs – well I certainly have had my share of frogs! I’d like to say there is a happy ending but so far sadly it’s rather tragic and I’m still single, although there was a slight twist as I did get married, but sadly it was very short lived! Essentially you couldn’t make it up what I’ve been through!
A friend recently told me I should do standup or write a book on Jewish dating as I have so much ‘content’! My friends kill themselves laughing, when I tell them my dating stories. So I’ve come to the conclusion that may be there could be an audience for all this.
As an aside, I did do some non Jewish dating but as I really wanted to find someone Jewish there were only a few of these. Actually they were much better behaved than the Jewish men!
As a sort of catharsis, I’ve decided to write up some of my Jewish dating experiences in the hope that it may also help other women going through the trauma involved in dating; knowing that they’re not alone.
The other part of the catharsis for me is that I have a real issue with TIME. On a macro level, I’m always so sad as to where time goes, how quickly the months, years pass etc. I find it ironic too that the older you get the quicker time seems to go. Thesedays, weeks just fly past. I’m now 47 🙁
On a micro level, I have an issue with time as I can never get through my daily ‘to do’ lists. As I’m a ‘pleaser’ due to my over critical parenting (and that’s another story!) I’m a high achiever so am constantly setting myself tasks. So the other reason I thought I’d write this blog is at least all the time spent on my dating efforts won’t have been completing wasted!
A bit about me:
I sometimes feel like an ageing film star, basking in my past glories when I’m on a date. Clearly I’m trying to justify to the person I am, why I’m single i.e. there’s no ‘catch’ I’m just a typical career woman who woke up to the important things in life too late in life!
The truth is I was married to my career – I had a dream career, I used to be a TV producer/director. I did a lot of celebrity news so interviewed all the big stars and got wined and dined by the record and film companies. A dream career actually. I used to spend my days watching a movie, sipping champagne in a private movie theatre, then maybe going to a junket then on to the MTV Awards backstage to interview the winners as they come off the stage!
Most nights I was out at premiers but I did get burnt out, like most in the business. I didn’t have the confidence to turn down work so I had back to back contract work. As it’s contract work it’s very intense and they assume you’re going to have a break in between but I didn’t really for seven years. My boyfriend at the time complained I didn’t really have time for him and in hindsight I can see he was right!
My claim to fame was that I turned down Robbie Williams, even though I really fancied him! I was interviewing him backstage at the Brit Awards at the height of his career, he’d just been nominated for some and swept the board that year. This was in the late 90s when Geri Spice wore her famous Union Jack dress. She’s actually on my showreel, along with posh spice who tells my viewers ‘come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough’. The Spice Girls were having a spat with Oasis at the time. Robbie had me up against a wall about to kiss me and I saw out of the corner of my eye his publicist so I ducked under his arm. I was just too embarrassed as thought it was rather unprofessional to behave like this. It was, but this is a small regret I do have!
Robbie wasn’t the only star who’s proposed, I once had the whole of the Arsenal football team offering to bed me! ‘It’s ok we’ll pay for your taxi home’, they said! This is not really a compliment as they were all drunk and are notorious for trying it on with women. I used to also like the drummer in The Lightning Seeds, who apparently liked me! but he was the very first band I ever had on one of my shows, in my first TV job so definitely thought it would be unprofessional, even though the Head of Promotion at Sony records, who became a good friend of mine, bless him, encouraged me!
Anyway enough bragging, I’m just trying to justify my single-ness! but I guess I shouldn’t need to – you must know what it’s like. I’m sure you’re not someone with one eye or something either!
All the stories I’ve written about here really did happen! However, the names in the stories are made up. But, as there have been so many dates, and some were a long time ago now, I have actually forgotten the person’s name. So, I truly apologise if I cause any embarrassment if I have made up a name and it turns out to be the real guy’s real name!
I do not want to appear anti-semitic in any way. However, as a Jew myself we’re allowed to laugh about ourselves. It’s like you can bitch all you want e.g. about your mother, but if someone else bitches about them it’s rather annoying and a bit weird!
The reason it’s important to know about the Jewish thing, is that as a woman in the Jewish world there is even more pressure to be married with kids. I’ve often challenged rabbis on this i.e. where does the religion leave you if you’re not married with kids!
I’ve travelled the world, had an amazing career, done things that most people could never dream of, but, if I turn up alone at a Jewish wedding or Bar-mitzvah, friends and family look down their noses at me. This isn’t something personal to me, all Jewish single women have to put up with this! They try to subtly look to see if there’s a ring on your finger. I feel they’re saying something like ‘ah it’s so sad you never got married and had kids’. Essentially, despite all my incredible achievements I feel like a leper. Sometimes I’ve even decided to spare myself the humiliation and not even turned up to some occasions, which is sad really.
In my attempts to meet someone Jewish (as it’s equally critical to marry into the faith!) I even went to live in NYC briefly as well as moving to Israel, where I now live and am writing from! There’s even a joke that a gay man comes out to his mother and all she says is ‘is he Jewish?’ I do, however, appreciate this pressure happens with other religions and communities too, so hopefully whoever you are reading this you’ll relate to what I’m saying here.
Either way, I do hope you actually enjoy this blog and that it makes you feel less alone in your own plight.
Share your story:
For this reason, I’d also like you to contribute to this blog with your own stories. They do say that putting something on paper is very powerful and it helps process or, at least, get out all your own emotions. Let’s face it, we all know dating is an emotional rollercoaster.
You can send your stories into me via the comments and I’ll publish them. Obviously, you don’t have to use your real name, you can just make up a pseudonym. I also would ask, however, that to respect the privacy of your dates, you do change their names and don’t include any identifying info.
Please also feel free to spread the word as the more stories the merrier and the more I can take away your pain in this journey the happier I will feel. At least I’ll know that after everything I’ve been through there might have been some kind of purpose to it!
Thank you, enjoy and don’t give up! 🙂