It’s all about the timing:
Having been on hundreds of dates is not something I’m proud to admit – one of the many reasons as to why this blog is anonymous! Believe it or not, I don’t do what a lot of people do and date for the sake of dating, I genuinely want to find my other half. However, as I’ve been searching for well over a decade now and I still haven’t found him L I thought I may as well do something useful with all the time I’ve invested and the ‘fodder’ of stories I’ve built up, by starting this blog.
Actually it’s not strictly true that I haven’t found ‘the one’. I thought I did twice. I was in love and ready to marry two different guys. Unfortunately, however, the guys in question weren’t ready to marry me! I seem to have a knack of finding self-confessed commitment-phones!
The reason both guys in question were gorgeous looking, intelligent, going places in their respective professions, extremely eligible (they both would pass the Jewish parents test!), amazing people, great personalities, the right age for me and still single is that they were both ‘just not ready’ or maybe they just didn’t love me enough!
There’s an episode of ‘Sex & The City’ when the girls are discussing when men are ready. They describe it as being when their traffic light is on. And this is so true. A man could be dating his girlfriend for years and she breaks up with him as he’s not ready. Then a few years later when he is he might only date someone for a few months before proposing – it’s all about TIMING in dating!
I too have had my share of heartbreak. I remember when I had the bad news that Adam wanted to split up with me, I really felt something deep inside me around my heart area breaking.
As I write I’m extremely sad to say there’s still not a happy ending, but I do live in hope and really try to have ‘an open heart’! This is really important for dating.
Try not to show your desperation!
When you want something so much it’s likely that try as you might not to show it, you will come across as looking desperate. They always say the minute you let go you are more likely to find someone.
OK my marriage didn’t work out, but interestingly enough I had completely given up on men just before I met my ex-husband. In fact the guy who introduced us, had to really persuade me to go on a date with him!
Online dating versus an intro from a friend:
Sadly, there are a lack of good men around. I must have been crazy to go and live in NYC as it’s a known fact the ratio of women to men is much greater. All of the stories in this blog are from online dates – usually they provide the craziest anecdotes. However, they do say that the best way of meeting someone is through a friend.
There’s a belief that you can create your own luck. I truly believe this. So just before I met my husband I decided to write to as many friends as possible to remind them that I was looking for someone along with my criteria. I also thought it was better to write to either men or people who were married rather than other single women! As, let’s face it, there’s no point writing to the competition! In short, the more people you tell, the more likely someone might think of someone for you. Just like sales, it’s a numbers game!
I have a big desire to have kids. I love them. I have a really natural way with them, which confuses me even more as to why all this has eluded me? My friends and sisters hate me coming over near bed-time as I tend to excite the kids, I’m a bit like the Pied Piper. However, I’m so bloody traditional, that I really want to do everything in the correct order i.e. get married then have them.
For this reason, I would advise that any single woman the minute you hit over the age of 36yrs is to freeze your eggs as soon as possible. This might seem like I’m being ageist, however, I froze mine at 39yrs and had I done it younger they would have harvested more good eggs.
When I froze mine, it was something very rare that women did and virtually taboo, not something you’d openly talk about. However, now this is almost quite opposite. I often hear friends discussing this openly. Also the technology has greatly advanced, making the whole thing more worthwhile.
The reason I froze mine was purely to try to take the edge of everything – essentially my desperation! Also for some women, who are happy to bring up children on their own, and would rather not sacrifice their chance to have them altogether, they can set a date in their own minds as to when they will just go for it.
For me the jury is still out as to whether I’d want to bring up a child on my own. My lovely family (that’s said with a lot of sarcasm btw) keep telling me how I won’t be able to cope and best just to get a dog! My mum who met my dad when she was only 20 years old clearly has no idea how hard it is to cope with being the only single adult at a Jewish wedding or going through this roller coaster of dating. Through recent therapy sessions I found out that my mum had post-natal depression when she had me, but in those days they didn’t really know about this so all her negativity she’s put onto me that I won’t be able to cope is clearly ‘transference’.