Too good to be true!
At a certain point, I decided (yet again) I’d pretty much exhausted Jdate so I decided to leave the site. Before I stopped my membership I thought I’ll have one last trawl to see if there was an eligible bachelor who met my criteria. If there was I could then message them via the site my real email address. Then if they ever got the message they could still get in touch with me. Crafty, I know! 😉 and in those days you could still do this without it being automatically blocked!
Sure enough, a couple of guys did contact me. One even emailed me and we exchanged some banter over email. He said he’d phone me. but then never did. Like this whole horrible/incestuous world of NW London Jewish dating, I bumped into this eligible batchelor at a Jew-do, except rather than ‘bumped into him’ he actually came up to me introducing himself as this guy and apologized for not getting in touch, but still didn’t, weird hey?! Mmm…
Anyway, the other eligible bachelor I emailed also got in touch with me a few months later. He was extremely good looking/attractive and clearly intelligent, as he was working towards being a partner at PWC. My date also lived in St Johns Wood, one of the most expensive neighbourhoods in London. He was from a nice Jewish family from North Finchley. Too good to be true I thought, there must be a catch! …
We got on well on the phone so we set a date to meet. The North London Tavern, a ‘shabby chic’ pub down the road from me would be the venue for our drink. We met late, around 10.30pm, as it was after a work do he had. He was shattered. I was also, as usual, running on empty, adrenalin from the week’s shananigans at work. I wasn’t feeling on top form anyway so it was a relatively quick date. In any event, they still didn’t seem to have a blanket 24/7 pub opening rule in London as we were chucked out of the pub around midnight anyway!
There was real chemistry, or at least I felt it! On the street as he said goodbye to me by my car. This wasn’t far for him to walk me to, though, it was parked right outside! He went to kiss me. I gave him my cheek as didn’t want to start kissing on a first date. Especially as I saw him as an eligible bachelor. He was good husband material which I’d have to hold out for!
He told me he was going away to Ireland for the weekend but would love to take me out for dinner and see me again. This is rare that men actually say this on a date, well I find it rare anyway!
So I went home on a high, with hope in my heart. A perfect first date, what more could I ask for. Maybe this could be the one?! Maybe there was a god out there after all?! May be all my suffering would be over. Maybe all the break ups were leading up to this one wonderful eligible bachelor. Could he make all my other heartaches pale into insignificance? Of course, all these thoughts and a thousand more were running through my head. All the iterations of how our dating would pan out, along with much anxiety too.
He texted to say he wouldn’t be able to see me all the following week once he got back from Ireland. He said he was busy with work every night. I sent him an email with my availability on for the following week and asked when we could meet.
Later, I found out that my email must have gone into his spam folder, or so he claims, as it wasn’t from a ’trusted source’. I was also trying to explain to him via text and impress on him that I too have a busy schedule. Extremely infuriating not to be able to at least speak on the phone, I hate texting! All I wanted to do was to block out some time so we could meet sooner rather than later. I didn’t want it dragging on and/or fading out before it had ever started.
Weirdly (maybe a tip!) every time I put him out of my mind by saying, ‘if he was interested he’d call to arrange something,’ and gave up on him, a new text from him would appear in my phone. This went on for another whole week! In the end it turned out that an old man he was friendly with had been taken ill. He was spending the weekend by his bedside in hospital. We did arrange in the end to meet on the following Thursday.
So for the past two weeks I was on tenterhooks. I was excited at the prospect that here was a guy that ticked all my boxes so I quickly wanted to see where it would lead. However, I was convinced he was going to blow out. Sure enough I got a call that morning saying that the old man had died and that he didn’t feel it was the right thing to be doing by going out to dinner and that he was going over to his parents.
However, somehow I managed to talk him into meeting me. He offered it as an option to meet for a quick drink before going over to his parents, and that’s what we did. We met in the Crown Moran Hotel, down the road from me, in Cricklewood.
I decided for once to try to be a good listener and really show I could be sympathetic, as clearly he was going to be quite upset. We briefly spoke about my neighbour from hell. This is another story for another time. In a nutshell, however, during the storms over the weekend my bedroom ceiling almost collapsed due to his balcony leaking onto mine. Yet again! I also had a little moan about my job as there’d been developments that day. In the context of ‘sorry I couldn’t speak properly this morning when you called’. Then I changed the conversation on to something else which I was keen to get on to…
On Saturday when we finally did speak on the phone he mentioned he also couldn’t meet up that weekend. He had some homework to do from his counsellor?!! I laughed (nervously) but also sounding intrigued, which I was. I asked him what the homework was. As opposed to the more direct question of why is he having counselling, lol!
Obviously, my heart sank as I thought, here it goes, here’s the catch; the eligible bachelor is clearly not so eligible! Like most women, I’m looking for someone stable! However, I still had some hope in my heart and was praying it wasn’t anything too serious, after all a lot of people have had counselling at some stage in their life nowadays!
He offered up the info that he had the book in his bag to do with his counselling homework and that he was doing it all because he was a sex addict!
I tried not to look shocked. I’m sure I must have made a mess of this as was utterly disappointed. I stupidly was still hoping it wasn’t that drastic so proceeded to ask him how this panned out trying to work out whether I was really going to have to walk away from this one. He told me how he’d cheated several times with long terms girlfriends with people he knew e.g. had met through work. With one of his girlfriends he said he was constantly seeking the thrill of flirtation.
He was essentially on a 12 steps course of group therapy, like the AA but for sex addicts and every day at 9.30pm he had to take a call from his ‘sponsor ‘ with a question he has to answer. I laughed (probably nervous laughter!) and said ‘so you’re a commitment phobe’! And thought he’s not an eligible bachelor at all.
Sure enough, at 9.30pm he took the call with the question from his sponsor. We finished up the eve and went our separate ways.
I went home after he went to kiss me again (and I gave him my cheek). Actually very sorry for myself, I felt utterly disappointed and upset. I got into my car (which was parked across the road) and immediately burst into tears. Maybe it was tears of relief. The tension of the last few weeks was over from all the waiting and wondering I’d done about him. Now I knew what the catch was.
I was concerned that my negative self-fulfilling prophecy had played out that ‘I might have known it was too good to be true’ and that there must be a catch had come true.
It was actually this story that inspired me to write this blog. And as if the above isn’t enough, there’s a funny postscript …
As I sat at home that night, feeling utterly deflated, I decided to write the story up as a way of catharsis. For some reason, I wrote the story including the guy in question’s real name and details. However, I just left it on my computer. I didn’t do anything with it.
A few years later, I finally found the time to actually start this blog. In my enthusiasm, and probably, knowing me, a lack of time (as I’ve always tried to do too much in my life, I’m constantly tortured by not feeling there are enough hours in the day) I just uploaded this story without reading it through!
A few weeks later I got a message by someone on Linkedin, who I thought I vaguely recognized. To my horror, it was Mr NW8 who was still working in one of the world’s top big few management consulting firms and was looking for a new job. He’d, quite rightly – as is advisable to do these days – googled himself and, of course, my story came up!
I felt terrible and apologized profusely. I took the post down immediately and then made it anonymous.
So the eligible bachelor was not such an eligible bachelor – you really couldn’t make this up lol!
Share your stories of dates with eligible batchelors who turned out not to be!
Come on you must have some bad stories! please share your ones too. It will make all of us feel better!